Denmark the good, the bad and the ugly

Ok, so it has now been about 3 months to the day since we have moved and I thought I would take a look at all of our road bumps along the way. Not necessarily to revisit them, but to recognize all that we have encountered along the way! ;) And to reassure you all that your worries that things being left unsaid are no longer there! (MOM)


In the beginning...we were so jet-lagged that I think that the first few weeks went by in a haze. We had had three weeks of mission " full immersion happy new family " followed up by the real thing. I don't care whether you move across town, or to another continent - change is difficult. FOR EVERYONE. Keep in mind we were blending two broken families, with seperate customs, traditions not to mention languages. Two families with an important member in missing from each, for the "white kids" their dad, and for the "hassing kids" their mom. We would have been crazy to believe that it wouldn't be difficult. It was and has been. What we are finding though is that those moments are fewer and farther apart, and the kids for all intents and purposes are doing well. They really are. Believe me...we know. Those of you with children know that our kids hold us accountable all of the time! They do not use subtle inference, or turn of phrase, no they just tell us everything they deem important, and they shoot straight from the hip... down to the nitty gritty...wow, your breath stinks. God bless them!


Finn and I have spoken many times about what we could have done differently, or what we can improve upon. How to impose the least impact on the kids, and reap the most benefit. Talks that have lasted long into the night. What I cannot stress enough is that these conversations are ongoing. They take place in small snippets, via email and even text messages. My husband is a remarkably fair minded man. Plain and simple. For every question there is an answer, every problem a solution. This has been a skill that has been utilized on more than one occasion!

The day after we arrived Finn began work again, yet there were soooo many things to accomplish before school started. You know, simple things like beds, bedding, room assignment, bicycles, entertainment (as our container had yet to arrive), add to that equation eight people to one vehicle - that seats 5. It made for some serious negotiation, and every day someone was unhappy. Ok, sometimes more than one person! These tasks alone would have been difficult, but add to that the very limited hours available for shopping. There are no Target stores, or Meijer, much less Super Wal-Mart stores here. A different store for almost every purchase - that is until we learned a few of the tricks that we now use! Perhaps we should have made these purchases before we moved, but we wanted to make certain that the "white kids" could make their own picks. That, we knew, would help create an environment more like their home too!

When Finn would arrive home we always had a game plan - today we shop beds, tomorrow bikes and so on. While all of this activity was happing for the "white kids" hmmm, imagine the "hassing kids" perspective. We move into their home, and the "white kids" get new stuff. Of course they knew that we had had to sell everything left at home before moving - regardless -that has to be difficult to experience. Not to mention that this new step-mom has these crazy rules...even the trampoline had restrictions. No jumping with the peanut in the mix, one person at a time, movies appropriate for all ages in the living room, helmets when biking...what kind of woman had their dad married. This woman in the kitchen that they had spent time with their mom at the helm. Man, she even drives stick shift in a crazy manner.


The chaos was tempered with a few key reprieves for everyone. First Simone and Philip went on holiday with their mom in Turkey. The bummer with that is amidst everything else their plane was delayed all night, and after a few short days their rental home was robbed and they lost their ipods, handheld video games and Simone's camera that had all of her pictures from the US trip. They were crushed. Sooo even when we were trying to create the best environment for our kids, sometimes even life deals them a bad hand.


Daniel took two trips one with his friends, one with his girlfriend. The first trip ended with Daniel getting a bad bug from the water and being sick for about two weeks there after. He ended his old job and began a new one. Then, subsequently broke up with his girlfriend. Took a trip with his new job at a travel agency and welcomed another tender tummy. Oh, and how could I forget...moved into his first apartment (a month later than expected due to it's previous tenant being a part of his countries Olympic fodball team)...after spending a week with his roomate Morton and their dads patching, painting and cleaning it.


In the interim, Bailey, Max and Sophie were taking lessons in Danish with their tutor Peter, and waiting, waiting, and waiting for their things to arrive. One week ran into the next and finally our shipment arrived over a month late. School had started and it was full immersion. All of their teachers have been fantastic translating when possible and Max's teacher has even begun spending her addtional free hour with them once a week on Monday's. The first few weeks were good, really. It was about the third that the novelty of being the new kids wore off and the realization that it was sink or swim began settling in. Those weeks were the most difficult for me as their mom. I couldn't be in three classrooms at once, and even if I could have it was only moral support that I could offer. Sophie came home and stated that instead of learning Danish she thought that she would just wait for her classmates to learn English instead.


Within the last few weeks... the kids' danish has doubled, and the other night at dinner Max and Bailey had a conversation about me, that I didn't understand. It was great! If they have to talk about me, they might as well be using new skills in a language that I don't know as well...YET. My language is coming and I managed to make it around town without speaking English. It was great. Sure my sentances were basic, but the best part was that I was understood.

* As a funny side note, a woman approached me in town and asked if I spoke english, when I replied yes, she handed me a Jehovah's Witness pamphlet and walked away. I had to laugh. Even in Denmark!

We had school issues...for example, children beginning in 2nd grade shower after gym class here. HELLO! I nearly had a coronary, and by the look on Max's face you could tell he almost did too.
Fortunately, we have been able to speak with the principal and make special accomodations for cultural differences like that. Nudity is not a big issue here, and modesty well I don't know if it is discussed here. (It may be, but I honestly couldn't tell you) We had a few experiences shortly after arriving that we have all had to file and decide what to do with later. At the ocean we saw quite a few women sans tops, and when I say women, I do not mean young woman with physical attributes that defy grafity. No these were seasoned women, and women of varied shapes and sizes confident enough in their own qualities to sun bathe sans the "appropriate" clothing that would have made these americans feel soooo much better. Then we went for a day at an indoor swim center a few weeks later and experienced similar tests of our comfort level in the locker rooms. Open showers and naked bodies everywhere the eyes traveled. For this sheltered group it was a bit much. I was waiting for Sophie to comment, but she just stood transfixed and speechless. Now, rest assured, we had covered these topics prior to moving and tried to head off as much of the suprize factor as possible, but to actually see them in the flesh ( sorry couldn't help that), well that is something else. What I have found most difficult is trying to find a balance with what my own learned response is, and trying to temper it, so that, to a degree, I can experience where my childrens natural comfort level is and work from there. It is challenging. Fortunately, this is one of the discussions that can be ongoing, and really has been. Max asked me pretty matter-of -factly, "why do they do that mom" and I think I have been trying to answer that question since then. Little bits at a time.


***When I mentioned in my previous posts that the kids would be fluent by Christmas, I even wondered at the validity of those words, but now that I see the language snowballing, I know that she was right. Max was reading over Finn's shoulder last night and was able to read about 75% of a text Finn had received. It was amazing! I know that the blog may seem to be a diary of only the good events, however, it really is a snapshot of the life we are experiencing. When I worry too much or think about things that are out of my control, I finally realized that I did those same things at home too. The kids had good and bad days in Michigan too, and so did I. What we have created here in this multi-cultural home is good. It has grown into a solid foundation that I can see all of us thriving in.


Do we miss our family? Of course
Do we miss the ease of the known as opposed to the unknown? Of course
Has it been difficult? Of course
Is it getting easier? Without a doubt
Are the children (all of them) settling into a comfy routine? Without a doubt
Are we tuned in to what they feel is important? Without a doubt
Will there be tears on occasion? Without a doubt
Is there laughter in our lives? Absolutely
Is it increasing? Absolutely
Are we learning things everyday? Without a doubt ( so many things on a daily basis right now)
Are we making friends? Absolutely, every one of us!
Are we looking forward to Christmas? Of course

What I have been trying to impress upon the kids is that is it so very important to "Love the ones you're with". This is a life lesson that I am trying to put into practice too, and the older I get, the more I try to focus on that goal. We had talked about that philosophy when their dad and I first were divorced, and continue to do so now. For obvious reasons.

After their dads visit we have talked about it again, and agreed that it is important that they know:' That we want them to be happy. That their dad and I want each other to be happy. That we both only want what is best for them. That we want them to thrive where they are planted. We assured them that it is ok to feel sad above these changes, and it is just as ok to feel happy. Most importantly - that we love them - unconditionally!